Phone: 510-333-2386
Email:  [email protected]

Are you seeking help for your relationship or marriage? Are you and your partner struggling with....

• Feeling distant and longing for the bond that you once shared together
• Constantly arguing or avoiding your partner because you are trying NOT to argue
• A recent or past affair OR feeling the temptation to have an affair
• Feeling dissatisfied about your sexual relationship
• Struggling with the stress that parenthood has put on your relationship
• Finding that you cannot agree on many issues such as finances, step-parenting, relationships with in-laws, religion, or overall life goals

Feeling distant and longing for the bond that you once shared together
Constantly arguing or avoiding your partner because you are trying NOT to argue
A recent or past affair OR feeling the temptation to have an affair
Feeling dissatisfied about your sexual relationship
Struggling with the stress that parenthood has put on your relationship
Finding that you cannot agree on many issues such as finances, step-parenting, relationships with in-laws, religion, or overall life goals

My counseling services are focused on helping those with relationship difficulties, infidelity, depression, anxiety, and general life stressors that affect how you and your partner feel towards one another. I also provide counseling support for new parents who are struggling to find their way through a very special, but difficult transition period. 

Research shows that most couples wait on average 7 years to seek counseling for their problems. Don't wait another day to get the help your relationship deserves. Please call or email me to schedule an appointment.

Couples Therapy

·        Is your relationship struggling with the shock of infidelity?

·        Are you feeling misunderstood, invisible or constantly criticized by your partner?

·        Are you lacking the sexual and emotional intimacy you once enjoyed with your partner?

·        Have the challenges of becoming new parents or step-parent put a strain on your relationship?

Couples often seek therapy because their relationship has become more conflictual, or has become more distant. One, or even both partners may feel that their need for closeness and intimacy are not being met, and efforts to be understood and reconnect are not working. A lack of connection becomes the norm through conflict and emotional distancing. Both or one partner realizes that they can no longer try to solve their problems without outside help, and recognize that they are struggling with much more than they think is healthy.

Sometimes an affair has been discovered and the couple is in crisis. The betrayed partner feels like the world they knew is crashing down around them. There is pain, anger, grief, and a lack of trust and hope in the relationship. The person who had the affair feels lost, guilty and unable to express what has caused them to look outside the relationship. Both feel lost in what to do and fear whether or not the relationship can continue or whether it is over. 

As a couples therapist, my role is to provide a balanced approach for each partner to feel heard, validated, and understood. I work with each side equally to gain an understanding of what you are experiencing through empathy and validation. It is important that we identify your goals and hopes for therapy. I work towards helping you hear your partner and be heard through the use of therapeutic interventions. It is important for me to provide a safe and contained environment to explore the relationship difficulties. If you simply wish to improve or re-build and reconcile your relationship, I will help provide you with the tools and understanding to do that. 

While I understand that not all relationships can be or should be saved, I regard with high value the role of family as we are partners/spouses/mothers/ fathers. My identity is as a marriage-friendly therapist. 

My theoretical background is in Object-Relations therapy. I believe that our current relationships are often a reflection of the early relationships we witnessed, experienced, and lived. Our inner picture of our major caregivers and how they loved us determines how we love and how we experience love.

Affair Recovery Counseling

When a partner has gone outside of the relationship for physical or emotional needs, it can have a devastating effect on the relationship. The betrayed partner usually experiences waves of different emotions including rage, disbelief, sadness, and despair. They begin to look at the relationship as "before the affair" and "after the after" or "before discovery" and "after discovery". It's as though everything they thought they knew about their partner and their history together is no longer true. On the other side, the offending partner often finds themselves caught in cycles of regret, shame, anger, and despair. This partner often desperately wants the relationship to "go back to normal" and put the affair behind them. Talking about the affair and their choice to go outside the relationship is often extremely difficult for them.

While an affair is a devastating event, there is a path to healing if both partners are committed to the relationship. The saying "Time heals all wounds" does not apply in the case of affairs. The sooner the affair can be addressed and treated, the better. We offer the following outline as a treatment plan for affair recovery. Each couple will have their own specific needs that will be addressed during treatment. This outline includes four phases or stages of therapy. Each phase of therapy is outlined below and a suggested frequency of a minimum of one session per week is recommended.

Phase 1 - Managing The Discovery

1. Gathering history of the couple
2. Gathering history of each individual
3. Taking responsibility - Full disclosure of secrets and hearing the story of the affair to the degree the offended partner wishes to hear about it
4. Ending the affair and disconnecting from the affair partner
5. Learning to live without trust (for now) and managing the lack of trust
6. "Walls vs. Windows" - shutting out the affair partner and letting the spouse/committed partner in (* concept taken from Shirley Glass' book "Not Just Friends" - highly recommended reading)
7. Dealing with anger, anxiety, shock and despair as well as shame and self-loathing
8. Exploring the motivations and desires to keep the relationship together
9. Developing a collaborative, individualized plan to move through the phases of treatment
10. Discussing referrals for individual therapy as needed

Phase 2 - Relationship Review

1. Reviewing the couples' relationship history
2. Reviewing the history of each individual 
3. Exploring and understanding how the relationship became strained 
4. Explore vulnerabilities that may have contributed to an affair 
5. How was trust established originally and how can it begin to recover

Phase 3 - Working Through

1. Integrating what has been learned from Phase 1 and Phase 2 
2. Developing and implementing "trust-building" behaviors 
3. Learning new ways to comfort and be available for the betrayed partner 
4. Helping the affair partner reveal thoughts and feelings that may be difficult 
5. Processing feelings around how this event has changed and/or improved the couples' relationship
6. Integrating new skills in communication, honesty and vulnerability 
7. Creating genuine opportunities for forgiveness and/or acceptance

Phase 4 - Consolidation

1. Reviewing of Phases 1 through 3 
2. Addressing how the affair has changed each partner for better or worse 
3. Practicing new skills and behaviors outside of therapy on a consistent basis 
4. Seeking additional help and support with individual or couples counseling whenever appropriate

About Me

I am passionate about my work as a therapist and the opportunity to provide help for others. As a husband and father I have broad life experience which helps me to understand your situation and the challenges you may be experiencing. As a male therapist I have worked extensively to ensure that women feel understood and validated, and that equal understanding is needed when dealing with relationship difficulties. 

I hold hope for my clients when they feel they have none left, and I confront fantasy with reality. I constantly strive to improve my service to my clients and work closely with them to have clear goals that I use to help my clients achieve life altering changes. I consider it a special privilege when someone entrusts me with their personal life and feelings. 

My office is located in Pleasanton, CA in downtown Pleasanton.  There is ample free parking. 

Education 

I graduated from St. Mary's College with a Bachelors of Science degree in Psychology. I then attended John F. Kennedy University where I received my Masters of Arts degree in Psychology with an emphasis in Marriage and Family Therapy. My clinical experience began with community counseling service. I have worked with couples, adults, and teenagers. I have also done work with a non-profit organization providing services to high schools, continuation schools, and juvenile probation. I also worked as a private practice therapist before co-founding Stoneridge Counseling Services. Prior to my therapy practice, I worked for a Fortune 500 Company for over 20 years.

License and Certifications I am licensed in good standing with the state of California as a Marriage and family Therapist MFC #50352. Previously I was registered with the state as a Marriage and Family Therapist Intern. Receiving the Marriage and Family Therapist licensure requires over 3,000 hours of clinical work and two rigorous state examinations.

Professional Activities and Memberships

· California Association of Marriage and Family Therapists

Rates & Insurance

$195 per 50-minute sessions for Individual Therapy

$215 per 50-minute sessions for Couples Therapy

Initial Individual and Couples sessions can be extended. Fees are prorated accordingly with 75-90 minute session options.

Insurance 

I am not on any insurance panels.  However, if you have a PPO services you may be able to receive some reimbursement through your health insurance or employee benefit plan. In this case you would be paying the session fee and then seeking reimbursement from your insurance provider. I do not direct bill insurance companies, or provide service as part of an insurance panel. Please check your coverage carefully by asking the following questions:

• Do I have mental health insurance benefits?
• Does it allow for out of network providers?
• What is my deductible and has it been met?
• How many sessions per year does my health insurance cover?
• What is the coverage amount per therapy session?
• Is approval required from my primary care physician?